The interest in the differences between men and women and the effort to understand them has a long history. This curiosity has not diminished over time; on the contrary, it has increased, leading to numerous studies and research that have produced significant findings.
As a result, very few people can claim that men and women have no differences and are completely alike. The differences between men and women are considerable in biological, cognitive, and personality aspects. To understand them better, it is necessary to be aware of these differences.
Differences between Men and Women in Formality and Ritual
Biologists and researchers, after extensive study and investigation into the differences between men and women, have concluded that the mental and cognitive behaviors of women and men differ inherently in some fundamental traits and that gender influences these behaviors, causing them to act differently from each other. Some of these differences include the fact that women tend to be more formal and ceremonial, while men are less so.[1]
For example, at a gathering or dining table, women prefer variety and completeness in the meal, such as having appetizers or desserts alongside the main dish. This inclination is not inherently negative, as humans are created according to the most perfect divine system.What is important, however, is managing these desires and maintaining moderation, so that such tendencies do not lead to excess or wastefulness.
Differences between Men and Women in Attention to Appearance and Grooming
One of the most important differences between men and women relates to appearance and grooming. Although being well-groomed is a characteristic of a faithful person, it is essential to note that Islam defines grooming differently for men and women.
God, considering the emotional nature and differences between men and women in feelings, has also distinguished between them in terms of appearance.
For instance, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUHH) advised men regarding nail trimming: “Trim your nails”, while for women he said, “Do so, for it is more beautiful for you”.[2]
Using pleasant scents or perfumes is recommended (Mustahabb) for men outside the home, but it is not permissible for women to perfume themselves in public. Wearing brightly colored clothing is recommended for women at home and carries spiritual reward, but outside the home, it is inappropriate because it attracts attention. A woman’s adornment in public should consist of modesty, dignity, and chastity.
Other narrations also indicate differences between men and women in terms of grooming; both have a duty to present themselves attractively for one another, but the type of adornment differs between them. The Prophet (PBUHH) said: “If a woman does not adorn herself for her husband, she will not hold a place in his heart”.[3]
In a narration from Madain: “I went to Imam Reza (AS) and saw that he had applied henna. I said: May I be your sacrifice, have you applied henna?
He replied: Yes. Applying henna carries reward. Do you not know that keeping one’s appearance neat increases a woman’s chastity? Would you like, when you go to your husband unkempt, to see him in the same condition as yourself? I said: No. He said: Neither would he”.[4]
Men are more influenced by physical attractiveness and grooming than women. Women, in contrast, are more inclined to maintain their appearance. They generally prefer their workspace to be tidy and may like a flower placed on or near it. “Women naturally have a strong interest in adornment, beauty, makeup, and fashion, unlike men”.[5]
Women, especially young women, often take longer to get ready when going out, which men frequently complain about. This is because women pay greater attention to their appearance and spend more time preparing themselves.
Looking presentable and being noticed positively is important to them, whereas men are more goal-oriented; they focus on the destination and get ready quickly, even while attending to their appearance.
When men and women live under the same roof, it is natural that they may not fully understand each other. They need to be aware of each other’s perspectives and understand them in this regard.
Therefore, a man should patiently give his wife time to prepare, and a woman should not keep her husband waiting excessively or should prepare herself before he is ready.
Additionally, because women value beauty, a man entering the home should notice his wife, who has adorned herself for him, compliment her beauty, and express appreciation for any changes in her appearance.
If he does not like certain aspects of her appearance, he should avoid criticism or comments that could hurt her sense of beauty, as this will not solve any problem and may wound her sensitive spirit. Later, he can guide her toward the type of grooming or appearance he prefers or provide the necessary means for it.
Differences between Men and Women in the Use of Senses
The differences between men and women in how they use their senses are also significant and noteworthy. Men tend to operate with tunnel senses, while women operate in a satellite manner.
A satellite receives signals from all directions, but when you are in a tunnel, you cannot turn left or right; you must move straight ahead. For example, when a man is watching television, his attention is focused solely on the program, and he does not notice anything else.
At this moment, if a woman tries to speak to her husband, he may not pay much attention. A woman should understand that this lack of hearing does not mean neglect or disregard, it simply means he has not actually perceived what was said. In contrast, when a woman watches television, she can pay attention simultaneously to the program and to things around her.
Women are capable of using more than three senses at the same time in multiple directions; in other words, their sensory range is broad. Men, on the other hand, have tunnel senses, meaning they cannot focus on more than one or two things at the same time.
Therefore, we should not easily accuse each other of being inattentive. Failing to understand this difference often leads to conflicts, because women expect men to perceive the world as they do, and men expect the same in return.
Differences between Men and Women in Emotions and Feelings
The most important differences between men and women lie in their emotions and feelings. Both possess emotions, but the primary focus of women’s inner nature is on emotion and sentiment. This orientation is strong in women and influences many of their behaviors.
Having this internal characteristic brings softness of spirit and tenderness to women, which in turn makes them very effective in raising children. Men, in contrast, rely more on intellect and reasoning, using their feelings under the guidance of thought.
Both emotion and intellect, combined with strength and the ability to manage a household, are essential; the absence of either can increase the likelihood of family difficulties.
Women are less able to tolerate anger or neglect from their husbands, and it is important for men to show greater affection toward their wives. “Women should be aware that men, due to their weaker emotional nature, strongly need the tenderness and deep feelings of women. Every man desires a kind and loving spouse”.[6]
Martyr Morteza Motahhari eloquently explains this: “Creation has made man a symbol of desire and pursuit, and woman a symbol of belovedness. A man’s emotions are seeking, while a woman’s emotions are receptive. A man’s feelings are acquisitive, and a woman’s are desirable”.[7]
Men should be emotionally stronger, while women, as nurturers, should be more emotional. For this reason, women tend to resolve conflicts quickly and apologize sooner. Women cannot easily manage rigid emotions and become emotional quickly; this is also why Islam has not assigned judicial roles to women.
Excessive compassion at times can be harmful. Just as watering a plant every day when it needs water only once a week will damage it, excessive emotional indulgence can be counterproductive.
By nature, women have a lower threshold for emotional stimulation and can become easily upset. They may speak many unrelated words to a man without taking offense, yet if a delicate or sensitive remark is made to a woman, she may become quickly hurt.
A single unpleasant comment from a man can cause a woman to develop a negative perception of him for a long time, and this negative feeling may hinder her productivity and enjoyment of life.[8]
Conclusion
The differences between men and women are an important aspect of marital relationships. Lack of understanding and awareness of these differences is a major factor behind many conflicts between spouses in shared life.
Understanding and recognizing the biological, cognitive, and personality differences between men and women can help couples manage their married life more effectively and respond appropriately during conflicts and tensions.
Some of the most important differences include women’s greater attention to appearance, formalities, and emotional matters, and their focus on aesthetic sensibilities. Men, in contrast, tend to focus more on logic and reasoning, which gives them stronger capabilities in family management and leadership roles.
Notes
[1] . Faryour, “Differences in the Characteristics of Women and Men”, Monthly Journal of Happiness and Success, No.50, p.52.
[2] . Kulayni, Al-Kafi, vol.13, p.141.
[3] . Tabarsi, Makarem al-Akhlaq, p.65.
[4] . Abu Sad Abi, Nathr al-Durr, vol.1, p.242.
[5] . Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 76, p. 100.
[6] . Motahhari, The System of Women’s Rights in Islam, p.166.
[7] . Heydari, Characteristics, Differences, and Emotional Needs of Women and Men, pp. 16–17.
[8] . Motahhari, The System of Women’s Rights in Islam, p.172.
References
- Abu Sad Abi, Mansur ibn Hussain; Nathr al-Durr; Edited by Khalid Abdulghani Mahfouz; Beirut; Dar al-Kutub al-Ilmiyya, Muhammad Ali Baydoun Publications; 1424 AH.
- Faryour, Mir Emadeddin. “Differences in the Characteristics of Women and Men”; Journal of Psychology of Happiness and Success; Esfand 1386 SH, No.50.
- Heydari, Mojtaba; Characteristics, Differences, and Emotional Needs of Women and Men; Qom; Imam Khomeini Educational and Research Institute; 1388 SH.
- Kulayni, Muhammad ibn Yaqub; Al-Kafi; Qom; Dar al-Hadith Publications; 1429 AH.
- Majlisi, Allameh Muhammad Baqir; Bihar al-Anwar: Collection of the Pearls of the Infallible Imams (AS); Beirut; Dar al-Ihya al-Turath al-Arabi; 1403 AH.
- Motahhari, Morteza; The System of Women’s Rights in Islam; Tehran; Sadra Publications; 1376 SH.
- Tabarsi, Allameh Hasan ibn Fazl; Makarem al-Akhlaq; Qom; Sharif al-Radi; 1412 AH.
Source of the article | Adapted from: Mohammadi Sifar, Mehdi. From Differences to Understanding (Familiarity with the Differences Between Men and Women); Qom; Tarigh-e-Marefat-e-Saghalain Cultural and Artistic Institute; 1394 SH, pp. 40–45.
