The duties of husband in the family

In Islam, a family is one of most important structures which have been given special attention. The status of a family in the society has been emphasized in both the Qur’an and hadiths. It is mentioned in the authentic narrations that both parents as well as the children are responsible to each other and they have to perform their duties toward each other.

The husband/father as one of the most important pillars of the family has to carry out his duties towards his wife and children. The present article is an extract from the speech of Great Ayatollah Hossein Mazaheri  about the essential needs of a family in Islam.

The duties of husband in the family

1. Making Provision for Material Needs

The first need which the husband has to take care of is the material needs of the family. The husband must make all possible efforts to provide material comforts to his family. However, if he does not do so, not only does he fails to fulfill his obligation, but also he becomes the target of those verses of the Holy Quran which condemn miserliness. The Holy Book says:

The people who, due to their stinginess, don’t spend on their families, the society, the poor and the needy and they don’t spend in the way of Allah, will find their stinginess hung in the form of a collar around their necks.

A stingy man is detested by God and by man. Miserliness is one of the negative traits in men. In fact, it is one of the traits that extinguish love in the family and in the society at large.Thus, if a man can afford to keep his family in comfort, but refuses to do so, his family will never respect him or love him. A man should endeavour to fulfill the needs of his family to the best of his capabilities.

He should, at least fulfill their basic needs of food, clothing and shelter, and if possible get the children  married etc. It is the man’s duty to arrange for his daughter’s marriage and give her some dowry. It is his duty to educate his children, and choose a good wife for his son. Being miserly and not fulfilling these needs leads to many societal problems.

2. Satisfying the Sexual Instinct

The sexual instinct in humans is a natural which has to be satisfied. Just as other desires are satisfied, this desire, too, must be fulfilled. It is necessary and obligatory on both the husband and the wife to satisfy each other sexual instinct. If any of couple neglects this important aspect of their lives, he/she is  committing a grave sin.

The Prophet of Islam (PBUHH) was reported to have said:

“If a man neglects to satisfy his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife indulges in adultery, then the retribution will be as much for the husband as it is for the wife!”

Similarly, he (PBUHH) also said with regards to the wife:

“If a husband goes to bed and calls his wife, and she evades till the husband falls asleep, then the angels curse her till the morning! This is the natural right of the husband and the wife over each other!”

Thus, if a husband avoid satisfying the sexual need of her wife until she falls into sin, such a sin will recorded for the husband. Likewise, if a wife is tardy about giving attention to the needs of the husband, and he falls into sin, then, she is as much liable for the sin. If a man keeps more than one wife and doesn’t satisfy them or give them equitable treatment, and if anyone of them gets fed-up and commits sin, the husband will be accountable for the sins before God.

3. Sympathy

Another need that is expected of the husband to his family is sympathy and consideration. This distinguishes a human being from a brute. The human beings are not inanimate objects or trees. Therefore, they are in need of sympathetic feeling from others. The husband should know that expressing love and affection to each other is the food for the soul.

If a woman is depressed, she cannot be expected to care for her husband or the house or be a good mother to her children. A wife is depressed when he is deprived of love and affection at home. It is important to say that a father who fulfills the physical needs of his children but ignores their emotional needs, is a just a father by name.

Some fathers are so busy with their work that they have no time for their children. When the father leaves home for work in the morning, the child is sleeping. When he arrives home late after the daily work, the child is sleeping. Such fathers are not ideal fathers.

On the other hand, the ideal father should find time to play with the children, seat them on his lap, and caress their head lovingly. A father’s smile for his child is very important and valuable. Similarly, his smile for his wife and his love towards his wife is very important, because human beings crave for love.

Therefore, the wife expects love from the husband more than anything else. Similarly, the children also expect love from their father. When a man enters his house, he should at least say “Salaamun ‘alaykum”. If he does not do this, he should at least meet his family with a smile. He should not come home with a long face, because it is a big calamity for the house. Sometimes husbands and wives hurt each other a lot.

If the husband is ill-tempered, he goes to the extent of beating his wife. This sin will attract grave retribution. There are some husbands who neither verbally abuse nor beat their wives, but they are always angry and sullen at home. The wife might have preferred to bear a hundred lashes from the husband than his glum demeanor.

This attitude is worst than lashing the wife hundred times and this may lead the wife to get fed-up with his husband. A husband should not assume that if he has a good tempered wife, she will remain so forever.

If there is a decrease in love from your side, she can become bad. Similarly if there is a decrease in love for your son or daughter, it will inevitably lead to disaster. One has always to bear in mind that for a human being love is a prime need. If the ladies at home become paragons of love, they will be the most successful homemakers. On the contrary, if a woman is devoid of love and compassion, she becomes unhappy and inactive at home and in the society at large.