In issue No. 90 of Zan-e ruz, the view of an eminent American Professor of psychology, Prof. Reek, was published. For many years, he had been making investigations and conducting research into the conditions of woman and man and he had arrived at certain concrete conclusions; he listed a lot of differences between woman and man in a voluminous book.
This professor says that the world of man is totally different from the world of woman. If a woman cannot think like a man or act like a man, this is because the worlds of both are different. He observed that in the Old Testament, it is mentioned that ‘Man and woman have come into being from one flesh’. Yes, no doubt, both have come into being from one flesh, but they have dissimilar bodies, and, taken as a whole, are different from each other.
Moreover, the feelings of these two beings can never be alike, and their reactions to events and circumstances will never be the same. Man and woman take different actions according to and consistent with, their true sexual dispositions, and just like two planets they revolve in their two different orbits.
They can have understanding between each other and be completely at one but they can never be one. This is the reason why man and woman can live together, love each other and not get tired and bored with their particular and distinctive qualities and behaviors.
Prof. Reek made a comparative study of the mentalities of men and women and pointed out a number of differences. Among others, he said that it is boring for a man to be always in the company of the woman he loves, whereas nothing is more pleasant for a woman than to live by the side of a man she loves.
Man , in his heart, wishes to remain always in the same state day after day, while a woman always wants to have a new being and to rise every morning from bed with a new look. The best words that a man can say to a woman are: “My dear. I love you” and the most beautiful words that a woman can say to the man she loves are: “I am proud of you”.
If a man has had relations with several lovers during his life, that man is considered attractive in the eyes of other women. On the other hand, a woman who has had relations with more than one man is disliked by men.
When they are old men have a feeling of unhappiness because they miss their main support in life, that is, their work, but old women on the contrary feel satisfied because they have the best thing in front of their eyes, namely a home and some grand-children.
In the eyes, of men, a successful life means to be regarded as a respectable personality in public, while in the eyes of a woman success means to win the heart of one man, and to hold and sustain it for the whole, of her life. A man always likes to convert his spouse to his opinions and nationality, while for a woman after marriage to change her beliefs and nationality to that of the man she loves is as easy as changing her family name.
The masterpiece of creation
Apart from the controversy as to whether the dissimilarities between men and women necessarily cause differences in their rights and duties concerning household matters, this phenomenon is basically one of the most amazing masterpieces of creation, and is a lesson in the Unity of God and in knowledge of Him, a sign and an indication of the wise and efficient order of the universe and clear evidence for proof of the fact that the process of creation is not based upon mere chance nature does not go through its processes blindly, as if in the dark.
It is an enlightening proof of the reality that the phenomena of the universe cannot be explained without invoking the fundamental principle of a final cause. So as to arrive at its own goal and to preserve its nature the gigantic apparatus of creation has brought into being the great device of reproduction. From its own workshop, females of the same species and males of the same species are continuously brought into existence.
Since, in order to maintain and prolong the existence of the subsequent generations, the cooperation of the two sexes, especially in the human species, is required, and so as to persuade these two sexes to help each other in this work, the foundation of their union and unity was laid. It has been arranged in such a way that self-assertion and the seeking of one’s own interest, which is natural in every living being is transformed into service, cooperation, forbearance and self-denial.
The two sexes are made with the desire to live together; and to make the plan completely practical, remarkable physical and mental differences are established between them, so that their bodies and souls can be better united. These differences are the source of mutual attraction, and are designed so that the male and female should feel love for each other.
If woman had had the body, spirit, manners and behavior of a man, it would have been impossible for her to attract man towards herself, and make him eager to become united with her. Likewise, if man had all the physical and mental attributes of a woman, it would have been impossible for woman to regard him as the hero of her life, and consider that her highest art is to hunt and conquer his heart.
Man is born to conquer the world, and woman to conquer man. The law of creation has constituted and built man and woman according to such a pattern that they are attached to and seek each other, but not in the way in which they are attracted to other things.
The interest that a human being has in other things arises from his self-interest, in other words, a human being wants things for himself. He sees them as a means; he wants to sacrifice them for himself and for his comforts. But the attachment of a husband and a wife is in such a way that each of them wishes the will-being and comfort of the other, and is happy in forbearance and self-denial for the sake of the other.
A union stronger than passion
It is strange that some people cannot distinguish between ‘passion’ and ‘affection’. Such people think that the only factor which can unite a couple is desire and passion, the motive of taking advantage, of benefiting, the same sort of interest that a person has in food, drink, clothes and cars.
They do not know that besides selfishness and the desire to exploit, there are other interests who are innate and natural. These interests do not have their roots in self-interest. The source of such attachments is exactly the reverse of what they think. These relations have their source in self-denial, forbearance and a preference of discomfort for oneself so as to ensure the comfort of the other.
These are the relationships which reveal the humanity of human beings. Indeed, some of these sentiments are observed, as far as the couple and their offspring are concerned, even in animals. These persons imagine that a man has always looked and still looks towards a woman in the same way as a young westerner looks at street-walker, as if it is only passion which could unite the two of them.
As a matter of fact, the union which constitutes the basis of the unity of the husband and the wife is greater than passion. It is the same thing which the holy Qur’an mentions with the name of “mawaddah” (love) and “rahmat” (mercy).
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً
And of His signs is that He created for you, of yourselves, spouses that you might repose in them, and He has set between you love and mercy. Surely in that are signs for a people who consider. (1)
How fallacious it is to explain the history of the relations of man and woman thinking only of the idea of profiting and exploiting, and, as it was previously mentioned, basing this on the struggle for survival. We have already referred to how much nonsense has been written about this. When I read some of their writings and their elucidations of the history of the relations of man and woman, I find that the only principle these people employ is that of contrast.
They suppose that men and women are two different classes of society which have always been in conflict and at war with each other. Truly, it is all amazing for me, and I deplore their lack of reason and judgment. If they can account for the history of the relations of fathers and their children in terms of profit and exploitation, they can also interpret the history of wives and husbands in the light of that point of view.
It is true that man is stronger than woman is, but the law of creation has so constituted man instinctively that he could not perpetrate on his wife the atrocities which he has inflicted or his slaves, serfs, inferiors and even his neighbors, just as he could not practice that sort of cruelty with his own sons and daughters.
I do not deny the cruelties of men towards women, but refuse to accept the interpretation that is put forth concerning those cruelties, throughout history, men have inflicted a great many cruelties on women, but the motivation for these cruelties was the same as that which caused them to be cruel to their children, in spite of their great concern for them, their careers and their welfare.
These were, of course, the very things which caused them to be cruel to themselves as well, and the root cause was ignorance, fanaticism and traditionalism, but not the will to exploit. If I get time, I will give a detailed exposition regarding the history of the relations of men and women at an opportune occasion.
Reciprocal differences in the feelings of men and women towards each other
Man and woman do not differ from each other only in their outlook towards matters of family life, the very way in which, they are attached to each other is different. To be more clear the nature of the attachment of man to woman is not the same as the nature of the attachment of woman to man.
Despite of the fact that attraction is mutual, still, unlike inanimate bodies, the smaller body attracts the bigger body towards itself. Creation has designed man as a symbol of searching, loving and demanding, and woman as a symbol of love and attraction. The sentiments of man are characterized by asking, and the sentiments of woman are towards demureness; the sentiments of man are to seek, while the sentiments of woman are to be sought.
Quite recently the photograph of a young Russian girl who had committed suicide appeared in one of our daily newspapers. The girl had written on the paper which she had left behind: ‘Up to this time, no man has kissed me, and life is unbearable for me’. This was the cause of a great defeat for a girl, that she had not been loved by a man or kissed by him; but which young man would he disappointed from life if a girl had not kissed him, or if he had not kissed a girl?
In his detailed and comprehensive discussion, Will Durant says that if the criterion of the preference for, or worth of, a girl were learning and intellectual achievements, and not natural charm and subliminal cleverness, girls with lesser academic achievements would not have been very successful in finding husbands.
The true position, however, is that sixty per cent of university women are without husbands. He says that Sonia Kovalevsky, a distinguished scientist, complained that no one would marry her. “Why can no one love me? I could give more than most women, and yet the most insignificant women are loved and I am not”.(2)
Please note that the nature of the feelings of disappointment of this lady is different from what the disappointment of a man would be. She says: “Why does nobody want me?”.
In the affair of finding a wife, a man feels defeat when he is unable to get the woman he loves, or if he gets her and is unable to keep her under control. All these matters have a philosophy behind them: a stronger and deeper bond of attraction and unity. And why this attraction? Is it so that men and women can get more pleasure out of life? No, not just that; rather it is the foundation of human society and the structure of the maintaining and training of the coming generation which is laid on that base.
The view of a female psychologist
In issue No. 101 of Zan-e ruz, the opinion of a female psychologist, Cleo Dalsun was quoted. This lady says that in so far as she is a woman psychologist, she is keenly interested in the study of the mentality of me. In recent past, she says, she was commissioned to research into the psychological factors in women and men and she came to the following conclusions:
1. All women like to work under somebody else. In other words, they prefer to work as a subordinate under the supervision of some superior.
2. All women want to feel that their existence creates, and is a matter of need.
After that this lady mentions her own opinion. She says that she believes these two desires of women have their root in the fact that women are under the commands of their feelings, whereas men follow their reason. It has been observed very often she goes on, that women are not only equal to men as far as intelligence is concerned, but are sometimes better than them. The only weak point in women is the intensity of their feelings.
Men always think in more practical ways, arrive at better conclusions, are better organizers and give better instructions. So the mental superiority of men over women, she reasons, is something which is planned by nature. However much women may fight against this matter of fact, it will prove fruitless. Because they are more sensitive than men, women should accept the reality that they need the supervision of men their life.
The most important aim in the life of woman is security, and when she succeeds in fulfilling her aim, she ceases to be active. A woman is afraid of facing the dangers involved in achieving her aim. Fear is the only feeling which they need help in order to dispel. Those tasks which require continued mental effort make women bored and tired.
A hasty movement
The movement that was started in Europe to restore the suppressed rights of women took place haphazardly and in a great hurry because they were very late in starling it. Feelings did not let reason speak and be taken as their guide, and that was how everything good and bad was washed away in one wave.
This movement helped woman out of many misfortunes, gave her many rights, and opened closed doors for her, but, in exchange, it created a lot of other misfortunes and miseries for her and for human society in general. No doubt, if these matters had not been taken up hurriedly, the restoration of women rights would have taken a far better course.
In that case, the wailings of wise people against the present unpleasant situation and the even more horrendous future would not have reached the skies. Anyhow, there is still hope that knowledge and reason may prevail, and the feminist movement, instead of being led, as before, by feelings, will listen to the advice of knowledge and reason.
The fact that the distinguished thinkers of Europe have given expression to their views on this matter is by itself a sign of hope in this direction. It can be seen that concerning the relations of men and women, the people of the west are themselves fed up and bored with their own behavior, the very same behavior with which the imitators of the west have recently become intoxicated.
NOTE: This has been a short selection, of the statements of distinguished thinkers, about the differences between women and men, and their views in this connection.
Extracted from the book titled “The Rights of Women in Islam” by Murtadha Mutahhari
NOTE:
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- Qur’an 30:21
- The Pleasures of Philosophy, p. 136
