Among the most important factors of training of children is the factor of love through which the elders of the family can attract the youngsters and command respect from them. For, the motivating factor for any association or relationship is love. Just as food is a necessity for the growth of body, love and affection are necessary for the growth of a family and training one’s children culturally and spiritually.
Therefore, one should not neglect the importance and limits of love in the children’s upbringing. If one does not eat at all or indulges in excessive intake of food, then in either case, he is bound to be affected by some physical problem or the other.
Similarly, depriving children of love or loving them beyond limits (no caring what is good or bad for them and fulfilling all the demands), both are equally harmful and destructive for the training and upbringing of the children. As a result, some unexpected habits develop in them which breaks them down psychologically.
Those children who are showered with excessive and unregulated love will inevitably become self-centered and egoistic, while those who are deprived of parental love will suffer from an inferiority complex and a feeling of being left unprotected.
Consequently, misfortune becomes their destiny and that is why the Holy Prophet (PBUH&H) remarked, “Love the children and be kind and merciful unto them”. Imam as-Sadiq (PBUH) says, “Whoever loves his children will be worthy of special divine mercy”.
In yet another tradition from the Holy Prophet (PBUH), it is said, “Whoever kisses his children, Allah the Almighty writes one goodness in his records. Whoever makes his children happy Allah the Almighty will write one goodness in his records and will make him happy and joyous on the day of judgment.”
Ibn Abbas says, that the Holy Prophet (S) once remarked, “Whoever makes his daughter happy is like the one who has freed one slave from the progeny of Ishmael (PBUH) and whoever makes his son happy is like the one who has cried due to fear of God.”
One of the most vital task in the training of children is to render justice among them. It is necessary for the parents to deal with all the children with justice and equity and see to it that no feeling of oppression creeps in them because if they feel oppressed and tortured, they will develop an inferiority complex that will be very difficult to delete from their systems.
A person came to pay a visit to Holy Prophet (PBUH&H) along with his two sons. He kissed one and neglected the other. On seeing this unjust behaviour, the Holy Prophet (PBUH&H) remarked, “Do you not treat your children with equity? Deal justly and equally among your children as you expect them to be just to you.”
Extracted from the book titled “Marriage, A Gift for the Youth” by “Sajid Ali”
