In this part of the article titled “Islamic Conditions for Marriage”, we shall focus on other relevant issues on the topic here.
The Time and Etiquette for Wedding
A group of families think that the marriage or wedding ceremonies provide a permit for carrying out whatever carnal desires they please.
At the time of the wedding of their children, they commit divinely forbidden acts based on the request of their children, the couple’s friends, or their relatives.
They think that this way they make the party more fun. However, marriage and wedding ceremonies should be accompanied by dignity; nobility; respect; and should be void of sins; forbidden acts and arousing elements.
Thus they can be a cause of God’s pleasure and can yield divine blessings. Imam Musa, the son of Jafar (PBUH) said: It is not at all required to abstain from non-forbidden pleasures.
Of course, we must be happy during a marriage ceremony and a wedding party. We should not forget to engage in legitimate means of entertainment like comics, jokes and singing.
Even singing wise poetry, meaningful lyrics; pleasant slogans and the customs that are usually among Muslim women in such ceremonies are all fine. It is quite natural to stay up late at these times.
The Prophet (Pbuh&hp) said: It is fine to stay up until late in the three following situations: Reciting the Quran; studying to acquire knowledge; accompanying a bride to her husband’s house. (1) In Islam it is considered better to perform the wedding at night.
Fatimah’s wedding was carried out at night. Jaber Ansari said: When the divine Prophet married Fatimah off to Ali, a few narrow-minded people came to him and objected to why he had married her off with a very small amount of nuptial gift.
The Prophet (Pbuh) told them that this was not his decision. It was Almighty Allah who married off Fatimah to Ali (Pbuth). On the night of the wedding, the Prophet (pbuh) prepared his piebald camel. He threw a gown over it and asked Fatimah to ride it.
He ordered Salman to pull the camel. He himself followed it from behind. Midway through he heard something come down. He looked and saw that Gabriel and Michael had descended from Heaven each accompanied by seventy thousand angels.
He asked them the reason for the dissension. They replied: We have come to see Fatimah off to Ali’s house, and then they express their congratulations. Then they said, “God is the Greatest”, and so did the angels.
The divine Prophet too said, “God is the Greatest”. Thus, it became a tradition to say “God is the Greatest” when accompanying the bride. (2)
Yes. You must prepare for and conduct the wedding ceremonies in a manner that will result in the descent ion of angels and God’s blessings. Imam Sadiq (PBUH) said: Take the bride to the groom’s house at night. (3)
Imam Reza (PBUH) said: Wedding at night is one of the traditions of the Prophet since the night is for resting in peace and a woman is for peace, too. (4)
The Prophet (Pbuh) ordered the daughters of Abdul-Mutallib and the women of Medina to follow Fatimah (PBUH) on the night of her wedding; be happy and sing; say God is great and praise be to Him, and avoid saying what God dislikes. (5)
On the night of the wedding, it is recommended to feed the guests who have accepted the invitation. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: There are only five occasions for a banquet: Marriage; childbirth; circumcision; purchasing a house; and returning from the pilgrimage. (6)
It has been narrated that the Prophet of Islam (PBUH) said on the wedding night of Fatimah Zahra (pbuh):
O’ Ali. Prepare an excellent dinner in honour of your spouse. He added: We will give the meat and the bread, you provide the dates and the ghee.
Then Imam Ali (PBUH) said: I bought the dates and the ghee. The Prophet (Pbuh) rolled up his sleeves and shredded the dates into pieces and dropped them in the ghee. He mixed them until it became a mixture of dates, oil and flour.
He sent a ram to be slaughtered. A lot of bread was baked. He then told Ali (PBUH) to invite whoever he wished. Ali says: “I went to the mosque and asked the people to accept the invitation to Fatimah’s banquet”.(7)
Regarding being invited to a wedding party, the Prophet (PBUH) said: Do not rush to go to a wedding party if you are invited.
Wedding ceremonies remind us of worldly issues. But rush to a funeral ceremony when invited since that reminds you of the Hereafter.
The families must arrange the marriage and wedding ceremonies in such a way that it not only has a bad influence on the kids, the youth and the young participants but does not also foster or encourage them to commit any sin. It also provides a convenient place for the believing men and women invitees to participate.
Wedding Night Customs
There are many verses of the Glorious Quran and traditions regarding intercourse which are very beneficial for both men and women.
Consider some of the recommendations of the Prophet (PBUH) and the Holy Household in this regard which have been narrated in the most authentic books on traditions.
It is polite for the groom to take off the bride’s shoes once she has been brought to his house. Then he should wash her feet and spread water from the house entrance door as far away as possible. This can block seventy thousand causes of the family becoming poor.
Seventy thousand blessings will cover the house. Seven angels of mercy will start to fly over the bride’s head and their blessings will fill the whole house. The bride will be protected against diseases like insanity and leprosy for as long as she lives there.
The bride should avoid eating milk, vinegar, coriander or sour apple during the first week of the marriage. These four can have a negative effect on her womb and may turn her sterile. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
If a woman starts her period while drinking vinegar, this will slow down its termination. Coriander will extend the duration of the period and will make delivery difficult. A sour apple will quickly stop the period and the blood which remains in the womb will cause illness.
Avoid lovemaking at the beginning, the middle and the end of the (periodic) month. Do not make love in the afternoon.
It is not good to talk, it is very bad to stare when making love. It is extremely psychologically damaging to the child who may get born if the man thinks about another woman while making love.
It is better to wear light clothing when making love. It is inconvenient to make love standing up like animals.
Avoid intercourse on the night of Fitr Holiday (the end of the holy month of fasting), and Sacrifice Holiday; under a tree; under the sun; between the two consecutive calls for prayer (Adhan and Iqamah); the night of the fifteenth day of Sha’ban (the birth date of the Holy Twelfth Imam); on the roof; and on the night of travel.
Weddings and intercourse are recommended on Sunday night; early Monday night; Wednesday night; Thursday; Thursday night; the eve of Friday. These times have a lot of material benefits as well as very important spiritual effects.
Making love at the times that intercourse has been prohibited may result in children with insanity; leprosy; foolishness; cross-eyedness; deafness; blindness; jealousy; becoming feminine; argument and separation; being sterile; having six fingers; having four fingers; being poor; extreme desire to attack other people; blind-heartedness; ugliness and dumbness.
The times that intercourse has been recommended can result in children with such qualities as memorizing the Holy Quran; being pleased with divine decrees; having faith; security from torture; love and kindness; compassion; nobility and generosity; being refined; having mastery over science; religiousness and prosperity; and attaining the status of God’s saints.
These are issues that cannot be recognized with material tools or medical instruments. They are facts that the Noble Prophet of Islam (PBUH) has recommended and said to the Commander of the Faithful (Pbuh), and has asked him to guard these recommendations on marriage and lovemaking as he has guarded them after receiving them from Gabriel. (8)
It has been prohibited to make love instantly. This is oppressive to women and sexual foreplay is both necessary and beneficial to both men and women. The Prophet (Pbuh) said:
Three actions are oppressive: Being accompanied by a man and not asking his name; Being invited to a party and not attending, or not eating food if one has accepted the invitation; and lovemaking without foreplay. (9)
The sixth Imam said: Three actions are the tradition of divine Prophets: putting on perfume; shaving the private parts and thoroughly fulfilling your wife’s carnal desires. (10)
The Commander of the Faithful (Pbuh) said: Not sleeping with your wife and not fulfilling her sexual instincts is a cause of torture in the grave. (11)
It is forbidden to make love during woman’s monthly period. It is forbidden not to make love for over four months without any good excuse or the spouse’s consent, and it has retribution. Making love while unclean is undesirable.
Hazrat Ali (Pbuh) has said: Do not make love instantly. The woman has sensual and physical needs. Help her with foreplay, then make love.
If you see another woman and feel that she is beautiful, then immediately go to your wife. God has granted your wife the same beauty.
And not looking at another woman and going home to make love with your own wife will block Satan from conquering your heart.
If you are not married, then perform two units of prayer immediately. Praise God and send benedictions upon the Prophet (PBUH) and his Household. Then seek help from God. God may grant you what you need through His Kindness. (12)
The reward of fulfilling a woman’s carnal desires is so great that according to a tradition the noble Prophet of God told a man: Are you fasting today? The man said no. Have you gone to visit the ill today? The man said no. Have you gone to a funeral today? The man said no. Have you fed one who cannot work today? The man said no. Then he said: Go back home and make love with your wife since this is similar to a donation from you to her. (13)
You should not make love in the presence of a child, since this is both morally and psychologically bad for the child. The sixth Imam (Pbuh) has said that this increases the chances of the child committing adultery in the future. (14)
One should avoid intercourse with a full stomach since it harms your health. (15) Do not make love when there is a baby in the cradle who may observe you. (16)
How wonderful is the religion of Islam in its full coverage of all issues regarding moral, educational and sensual affairs? Especially the coverage of women’s rights with a precise look at all affairs of life. It really grants us a good outlook on personal, family and social issues. It must be so since Islam is the manifestation of revelations; Divine knowledge and the insight of the Prophet (PBUH) and the Holy Household, and it is not derived from a limited earthen mentality.
By: Hojjat al-Islam Shaykh Husain Ansariyan
NOTES:
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1. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.267
2. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.266
3. Marriage in Islam, p.112
4. Marriage in Islam, p.112
5. Marriage in Islam, p.114; Mustadrak, Chapter on Marriage, section 31
6. Marriage in Islam, p114; Mustadrak, Chapter on marriage, section 31
7. Marriage in Islam, p.91
8. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.280; Elal al-Sharayeh, pp.514-517; Amali Sadoogh, pp.566-570
9. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.285
10. Ibid
11. Elal al-Sharayeh, p.309
12. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.287
13. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.289
14. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.290
15. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.290
16. Bihar al-Anwar, v.100, p.295
