Islamic Conditions for Marriage (2)

2023-02-03

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Contents

Those Whom You should not Let Your Daughters Marry Do not Marry Such Women How to Choose a Spouse?The Evil-Doer is Deprived of God’s Mercy The Path to Perfection

In this part of the article titled “Islamic Conditions for Marriage”, we shall focus on other relevant issues on the topic here.

Those Whom You should not Let Your Daughters Marry

It is stated in divine books that man is entrusted with children who are God’s blessing and kindness. To safeguard this “trust” we must attend to their moral and religious education and choose a pure and good spouse for them to marry.

The woman who gets married and goes to her husband’s home will be influenced by her husband, his family and his home.

In that environment, she will be asked to do things by her husband. The house she goes to must be a divine home with a believing family. Her husband must be reasonably well-mannered and good-tempered, too.

It is for this reason that the divine religion has strictly forbidden marrying your daughters to those who do not fulfil Islamic conditions.

The Prophet (Pbuh) has been narrated as saying: Marriage is a form of obedience, that is once you marry your daughters off to someone, you in fact make her obedient to him.

Therefore, you must all be very careful as to whom you entrust your daughters to. (1) It is not permitted to marry off your daughters to one who does not adhere to a religion, divine decrees and just beliefs.

Such a person is considered to be corrupt according to the divine book. It is not permitted to marry off your daughters to one who is ill-tempered, haughty, jealous, greedy, and vulgar.

It is neither permitted nor humane to marry off your daughters to an ignorant, stupid, unwise man who cannot run his life and causes a lot of problems for the woman.

It is strictly forbidden to marry off your daughters to an alcoholic who is so base that he does not abstain from what God has forbidden.

Now consider the very important traditions in this regard. One who marries off his dear noble daughter to an irreligious man will be cursed a thousand times a day. (2)

Husayn, the son of Bishar wrote to Musa the son of Jaffar (PBUH) “One of my relatives who is ill-tempered has requested to marry my daughter”. The Imam responded “Do not marry her to him if he is a wrongdoer.” (3)

Imam Sadiq (Pbuh) strictly forbade marrying off one’s daughters to fools and the ignorant ones – who cannot be trusted in social and personal affairs and those who cannot be entrusted with property- based on verse 5 of the Chapter Nisaa of the Holy Quran. (4)

The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Should anyone, who is now informed by me – as the Messenger of God – that drinking alcoholic beverages is forbidden, drink and go to propose marriage to the daughter of a family, he deserves no response. (5)

Hazrat Reza, the eighth Imam (PBUH) said: Be wary of marrying your girls off to those who drink, as this is like giving a virgin for fornication. (6)

Verily those who do not adhere to God’s obligatory acts, will not avoid sexual deviations. Those who do not have good morality, and are ill-tempered; those who do not have a right mind and intellect; and those who are so weak that they cannot stop drinking alcoholic beverages are not suited to be entrusted with a believing pious young woman who is entrusted to us by God.

If so, not only will the young woman will be spoiled, but her children too will be influenced by the man’s ill effects. This fact has been stated by the sixth Imam (Pbuh) before man came to realize it through science. The effects of illegitimate acts show up in the offspring. (7)

Do not Marry Such Women

As you read, Islam does not allow us to marry off our daughters to several groups of people including the corrupt, the stupid, the ill-tempered, and the alcoholics.

Thus by prohibiting such marriages, a woman’s respect and honour are safeguarded. In the same manner, Islam prohibits the marriage of young noble, believing men with those women who do not meet divine and Islamic conditions.

There exist many important traditions cited in authentic books regarding this issue which have been cited from the sources of revelations. A reference is made to some of them here. The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Avoid marrying stupid women since living with them will ruin your life and their children will be oppressors. (8)

He also said: Avoid a trashy beauty. He was asked: What do you mean by a trash beauty? He replied: I mean a beautiful woman who is raised in a bad family. (9)

The Prophet (Pbuh) used to say in his prayers to God: I seek refuge in Thee from a child who orders me around instead of being obedient; from the property which goes to waste without giving any profit;

and from a woman who makes me old too fast due to her stupidity and bad behaviour; and from a friend who is deceitful. (10)

The Prophet (Pbuh) said: The worst of your women are the ones who are sterile; filthy; stubborn; disobedient; disgusted by the family, and dear to themselves; disobedient to the husband and submissive to others. (11)

He also said: Three things have a bad omen: a woman, a quadruped and a house. A woman’s bad omen is in her nuptial gift and sterility. (12) He also said: A bad woman is the worst thing. (13)

The Commander of the Faithful (Imam Ali) stated: The worst wife is a woman who is not complaisant. (14)

The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Should I not introduce the worst women? Those who are not respectable in their own family; who are haughty to their husbands; who are sterile; who are malicious; who do not stop doing evil deeds; who adorn themselves in the absence of their husbands, and do not adorn themselves in his presence; who are disobedient to their husbands, and do not please them in their own privacy; who do not accept their husband’s apology and do not forgive them. (15)

How to Choose a Spouse?

Marriage is my tradition, and whoever does not long for my tradition is not of my nation. (16)

The Evil-Doer is Deprived of God’s Mercy

In a very important tradition by the noble Prophet of Islam, it is stated in Arabic “Al-Naqess Melown” which means “The evil-doer is denied God’s Mercy.”

Undoubtedly, the Arabic term “Naqess” in this tradition does not carry its usual meaning. It does not refer to someone without eyes, a hand, a foot or having any other type of congenital deformity.

Here it refers to one who has not taken steps to attain wisdom, acquire good habits or adorn himself/herself with beneficial actions and does not attend to himself/herself by means other than eating, sleeping and lust.

In fact, man has the potential to realize all the facts and attain full perfection. He should try to do so. He should constantly strive to remove his mental, spiritual and inward flaws.

He should avoid listlessness. If he does not try to eliminate his imperfections, then he will be spoiled just as unpalatable water does. He will be damned and deprived of God’s Mercy.

Unfortunately, there are some seventy or even eighty-year-olds who have the mentality of a one-year-old child, and their actions and morality are similar to those of a five-year-old.

They have not used the divine spiritual blessings such as Heavenly Books; the Prophethood; the Religious Leadership of the Immaculate Imams; the mysticism of the true mystics and the wisdom of the wise during their lifetime.

They have been only engaged in eating and drinking to expand their body from a tiny sperm to some eighty or ninety kilograms. They could have turned their bodies into good trees. They could have built themselves up to become a source of facts and perfection.

However, they became proud of simply engaging in material affairs to build up their physical form. Thus, they remained poor, imperfect and evil-doers as they first were. They had business deals and were occupied by their desk and chair.

They had wealth, a spouse and children, but were evil-doers. Therefore, they are at a loss. They commit any form of sin or crime; they violate other people’s rights. They oppress while benefiting from God’s blessings without shame.

Yet, they cooperate with God’s enemies, being the men and jinn, in all areas. In another tradition from Imam Musa, the son of Jafar (PBUH) we read: One for whom two days are the same is at a loss;

one for whom the end of the two days is the worst time is damned, and one whose life passes and does not improve himself is at a loss. For such a person death is better than life. (17)

There is another tradition with nearly the same context in the authentic Shiite books from Imam Sadiq. (18)

In another tradition from the noble Prophet of Islam (PBUH), we read: “One who does business, is loved by God”.

Undoubtedly the highest form of doing business and the best trade is obtaining nobility, knowledge, good and human morality. A businessman, such as the Prophet, is a valuable being and is loved by God. Let’s try not to be evil-doers.

Let’s not let two consecutive days of our lives be the same. Let’s avoid denying ourselves the attainment of perfection, since in the Hereafter whoever is short of spiritual affairs; intellectual development and moral and practical perfection is damned and at a loss.

His balance of deeds will be light and he will deserve torture. But if the balance of his spirituality is heavy, that is, he has good faith, morality and good deeds, then he will prosper.

Consider the following two verses of the Glorious Quran in this regard: The balance that they will be true (to a nicety):

Those whose scale (of good) will be heavy, will prosper. (19) Those whose scale will be light, will find their souls in perdition, for that they wrongfully treated Our Signs. (20)

The Path to Perfection

In the Glorious Quran, God the Benevolent has recommended that all people realize two facts to strive towards perfection, giving due consideration to divine and humane conditions.

These two are related to the material life and the spiritual life, which are expressed in four verses of the Chapter Al-i-Imran in the Holy Quran.

Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: women and sons; heaped-up hordes of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land.

Such are the possessions of this world’s life, but in nearness to God is the best of goals (to return to).

Say: Shall I give you glad tidings of things far better than those? For the righteous are Gardens in nearness to their Lord, with rivers flowing beneath; therein is their eternal home; with companions pure (and holy); and the good pleasure of God.

For in God’s sight are (all) His servants, (namely), those who say: “Our Lord! we have indeed believed: forgive us, then, our sins, and save us from the agony of the Fire;”

Those who show patience, firmness and self-control; who are true (in word and deed); who worship devoutly; who spend (in the way of God); and who pray for forgiveness in the early hours of the morning. (21)

The passive form of the verb “Zuyanna” in the Arabic text of the first verse implies its importance, that is, God is the doer of the verb or the one who makes all those facts fair in the eyes of men.

This is so that they become inclined and attracted to these issues and through this inclination, love and attraction, they get married; work; subdue the animals; irrigate or build the land, and attain some productivity in their material life.

On the other hand, they are also adorned with piety, faith, supplication, and fear of the Hereafter and strive to obtain perseverance, honesty, worship, spending in charity and imploring God’s forgiveness.

This is so that they can attain God’s pleasure, the promised Heaven and pure heavenly spouses.

Anyway according to the noble verses of the Glorious Quran, the cause of man’s attraction to and love for women is their delicate creation, beauty, dignity, intrinsic shyness, delicate voice, amorous playfulness and coquettishness.

This attraction and lust is the main drive for men to become interested and fall in love with women and get married and establish a joint life.

Thus, they can have children and work hard in business, agriculture, etc. to provide for their material life and guarantee the continuation of the life of the household and the family.

If this is complemented with piety and is void of sin; is accompanied by faith, supplication, perseverance, honesty, worship, spending and imploring God’s forgiveness at dawn, then man’s prosperity in this world and the Hereafter is guaranteed. Man can thus benefit from all worldly pleasures, and vast eternal benefits, most importantly God’s pleasure.

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