When Must We Marry? (2)

When Must We Marry? (2)

Brother and sister! Let us talk a bit about the facts, about the untouched life and nature and the uncontaminated instincts and those away from the civilities, ignorance - based customs and ceremonies of society. Let us for the time being, throw those (customs) aside so that we may talk in a free and unbounded atmosphere. Later on, we will talk about those limitations. Oh, young sister and brother! You are yourself aware of the noise and turbulence that is going on inside you. You are aware that you need a spouse. You know that you are apprehensive and feel a gap, a void and solitude. You can very well perceive and hear your internal yearning, which calls you to find a spouse. You know quite well that you are not that child you used to be a few years ago and a change has developed inside you.

You fully understand that you have lost something (which you must find out) and whenever you think about it, there is a big inflammation that takes shape inside you and motivates you to probe and search for what you have lost. Why do you deceive yourself? Why do you put a cover and a lid upon these sacred and natural wishes and desires? Why do you bring excuses? Why do you suppress your spirit of independence? Why do you choke up all of these passions and calls of love? Why do you allow these beautiful blooming buds to wither away? Are you scared? From what? From poverty? From ceremonies? From inflation? From responsibility of life?

From having children? You are afraid you would not be able to cope with their expenses? You fear that you may not be able to continue your education? You are afraid you would not be able to manage and run your family expenses? My dear, do not be afraid and scared. Allah is with you. Have trust in Him. Do not you believe Allah is all-strong, all-beneficent, and your helper? Would it not be a pity that you destroy your youth? Marriage has a season and spring, and if this passes away, you would face a loss. The fruit that ripens and is not benefited from becomes spoiled and stale. Is it not a pity that a young one, who has Allah to support and help him, is afraid of such imaginary and absurd matters?

Be brave! Take steps depending and trusting upon Allah. Be contented and assured that Allah will help you and inshallah you will succeed. Allah has promised in the holy Quran that he will solve the problems and difficulties, saying: "If they are needy (poor), Allah will made them free from want, out of His grace." Do you not believe in Allah's promise and commitment?(1) God forbid such be the case. Allah will definitely materialize His promise. Come on, enter the field with trust in Allah and get married! I promise you that if you minutely scrutinize and concentrate on choosing your spouse and observe and practice all the orders, commandments, standards criterions which Islam has set for marriage and which have been described in this book, you will definitely be prosperous.

Oh, brother and sister, do not say: "Perhaps you are unaware what is going on in this society. Do you not know what number of difficulties has been created upon the way to marriage? Do you not know what amount of misfortunes and afflictions are brought into effect by some selfish and foolish parents for their children in connection with their marriage? And what amount of undue and illogical expectations they have from the sons and daughters?" Yes, I am aware of all these facts more than you are aware, since, on account of our responsibilities, answerabilities and nature of work, we are more concerned and in touch with the society. Many young ones contact us about their problems. I am thoroughly conversant and aware of the difficulties of the youth, but with all my knowledge of these problems, I say: "Marry, do not be afraid, take the step." We will discuss the difficulties shortly.

MARRIAGE: A MEDIUM OF REACHING ALLAH

We have already described that one of the important factors in making spiritual progress is having a well-bred and suitable spouse. Young brother and sister, do you desire to start upon a spiritual journey and reach a place where Allah stamps your heart with His approval and pleasure, when you are still young and your heart is pure and the dust of abjectness and sin has not yet contaminated your soul?

By the grace of Allah, move on! But do not move alone, this is a risky and dangerous way. You need a companion, a helper, a sympathizer. Take the hand of another young one as your life partner and set off together, so that you may be the helper, sympathizer, associate and confidante to each other. You may make each other hopeful and encourage one another.  Think of what the Prophet (a.s) said: "Whoever desires to meet Allah in a pure condition must marry (take a spouse)."(2)

So now that you have the love, enthusiasm and joy of the youth, move and select your partner for the life journey, Now is the time to commence a journey. Do not allow this love, enthusiasm and joy change into sadness, apathy and frigidity. The marriage that rest upon fresh love and felicity makes the coming years of life fragrant, pleasant and colorful. Take the hand of your young, vivacous life partner and fly over the heights of the sky like two loving pigeons. Make good of this duration. Do not let it go.

See what Ali (a.s) says about his wife Fatima (s.a) and how he recited verses of love, defining the duration of youth. "We were enjoying felicity, health and youth like two pigeons in a dwelling." These two spouses lived a pure prosperous life full of love, and met Allah in a pure condition full of love.

THE TIME OF SEXUAL AND MENTAL MATURITY

In spite of the fact that it has been explained that a person's correct time of marriage can be visualized from his interior and that the time of marriage is when a person attains sexual and mental maturity, yet this same question keeps on being discussed by the elders, parents, guardians, and those responsible for society, and even by the youth themselves: 'After all, when is the proper time and age of marriage, and when do sexual and mental maturity reach their climax and zenith?"

The response is that lands, circumstances, societies, races, tribes, families, and individuals are not homogenous and harmonious in this field; instead they are different. For example, in hot areas, sexual maturity is attained earlier than in cold ones. And in open and mixed up societies, where men and women have more chance to meet and get in touch, and where the religious ordains and commandments and the matters pertaining to veil, Islamic Hijab and intimate and non-intimate relationships are not observed, sexual puberty is attained at an early stage.

On the contrary, in the peripheries and environments where people adhere and are committed to religion, modesty and commandments of religion it is not so. In the families which are uncultured and untrained and where sexual matters are not under security or privacy, children having become aware of the sexual matters of the fathers and mothers become sexually mature sooner, as in contrast to families where these things are secured and under restricted conditions. (Sometimes even the children go astray by observing sexual matters between their parents). At the same time, the quality and quantity of food is also effective in this regard. Those who eat more energetic food attain puberty faster.

What can be said about the non-Islamic, immodest and sexually free, disorderly countries and societies? We may metaphorically say that even their primary school children are sexually aware. And the statistics and news make it evident that sexual assaults among children and the youth have become so customary and ordinary that it has blackened the face of humanity.

Nevertheless, it can be said that in our various, different countries and societies the average sexual puberty of boys is 17 and among girls, it is 14 (not religious puberty). But this age is early for marriage, because, as well as sexual puberty, mental maturity is also necessary for marriage. The age of 19 years for boys and 16 years for girls is more suitable for marriage. Of course, this is an average age, and it is possible that a boy or a girl has an early need for a spouse, so an early step may be taken.

We re-emphasize that the signs of this urge are hidden inside a person and everyone can judge it for himself. If the parents are intelligent and attentive, they can understand very well when their son or daughter needs a spouse.

Continue in the next article: ( When Must We Marry? (3) )

NOTES:

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1. (The Holy Quran: 24:32)

2. Bihar Al-Anwar, vol. 103 ,p 220.