Islam teaching on the Family (1)

Islam teaching on the Family (1)

Islam has instituted the system of family on sound bases agreeing with the life necessities and the individuals exigencies and behavior. It has regarded the family talents that are afforded by Allah, as spontaneous. God says:
“And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect”(30:21).

This phenomenon on which mankind have been natured is one of Gods grand portents and graces. Islam also works for arranging the Muslim families to be good exemplars and have the elements of orthodox leadership.

 As God exposes the manners of the virtuous servants, He says:
“And those who say, ‘Our Lord! Give us joy and comfort in our spouses and offspring, and make us imams of the God wary”(25:74).
The availability of good exemplars and virtuous patterns is the most important rule in the educational processes.

In the previous surveys of genetics, we have referred to the Islamic rule that any matrimonial bond should be first founded on test so that the defects of any spouse would not move to the coming generations and societies.

Islam has also given fathers the guardianship on their daughters for selecting the most appropriate husband and dismissing the disabled who may cause misfortunes and problems. Since women generally realize only the shells of life, they naturally show blemish in selecting for themselves. In most cases, women are deceived by their false promises and appearances.

Most women lack enough acquaintance with the deceitful licentious individuals that may speak of the fascinating words of love and fondness and imaginary promises and pledges. They ignore that a satisfactory marriage occurs only when the other party enjoys noble ethics and high traits that encourage on caring for their affairs and rights, and producing virtuous offspring that bring pleasure and contentment in the final age. Islam stresses on this result.

The system of families that Islam instituted relies upon the deep cognizance of the elements of family contentment and bond in physiological, mental, and social fields. It calls for satisfying each individual with kindness, affection, moderation, and settlement.
Islam cares a lot for achieving amiability, understanding, and harmony between spouses since their bond represents the chief core of families. These qualities are available in the ideal spouses about whom Hammerlock Alice said, Ideal marriage does not rest on accordant desires. It rests upon a chaste union that is based upon deep warmth that increases day by day to scope all of the fields. This is the union of flavors, feelings, and tendencies. It is the union of common life as it binds to paternity burdens.
Islam wants the sexual bonds to be ideal and based firmly upon love and understanding so that the educational processes will fruit effectively and create sound societies.
Islam has legislated for attaining all of the objective courses aiming at conciliating, developing, and leading the families to prosperity. On that account, it paid a special attention to the role of home, and ordered the common ethics among families and delimited the private duties that bring about family association and have a positive influence on the educational composition.

Significance of Home

Home, through which the social environment achieves the children’s educational results, plays a considerable role in the educational processes. Children receive traditions, practices, beliefs, arts, traits, history, and triumphs of their nations through their homes. The social environment can attain its strong effects in education only when home accomplishes its missions successfully. Corruption of children is the natural and the inescapable consequence of home corruption. There is more than one role played by home in the educational processes since it is the natural source of affection and kindness. The way to tranquility passes through home. Islam has devoted a specific attention to home. It has ordered that love and cordiality should prevail on homes. It also has regulated that any sorts of primness, forsaking, and reproach may retard the children’s adaptation. Serious deviations, such as the loss of security, self-confidence, and others, will affect the children whose homes are too short to fulfill their missions.

THE COMMON COURSES

Islam has constituted courses that are common among family members and called for applying them to their lives so that contentment will shade the all.
Love and Affiliation:
Islam has called for the predominance of love, affiliation, and cordiality among the family members who are required to avoid any concern that may confuse the purity of the living. Women should meet this liability in the first place since they can turn a home into a paradise -by fulfilling the duties, considering the morals, and being a unique believer- or into a hell. A man told the Prophet (PBUH&HP) of his wifes customs, She receives me as I enter the house, and sees me off as I leave, and alleviates my cares if she notices any.

She used to say, You should care about nothing. If you care for the livings, this is the mission of other than you. If you are caring for a paradisiacal matter, Allah, then, may increase your care. The Prophet declared his great admiration of that lady, Tell your lady that she will be abiding in the Paradise. She is truly one of Gods veritable servants.
When wives take care of their husbands by fulfilling their duties, affiliation will be prevalent. Furthermore, a tie of deep adoration will be established among the family members, and this will lead to the successful education.

Cooperation:

Islam has called for the spouses collaboration in the living affairs and the management of the home affairs. It has called for living associatively in mutual affiliation and relationship. This is the task of the paterfamilias. Islam has bound the householders with attending to their wives and taking part in the home affairs. The Prophet (PBUH&HP) used to participate with his wives in the house affairs and say, Partaking wives in the house affairs is a sort of alms. Imam Ali (PBUH) was wont to help Fatima Az-Zahra (PBUH), the veracious and the mistress of women of the worlds, in the housekeeping and the home management. These acts will surely establish a spirit of noble empathy, which is the most significant element of the sound education- in the son’s essences.

Mutual Respect:

Islam has urged on mutual respect and abidance by morals among the family members. The older must feel for the younger, and the younger should reverence the older. The Prophet (PBUH&HP) said, The old should be sympathetic to the young, and the young should reverence the old. Abidance by morals erects a sense of good virtues and values. It correspondingly enjoins the maturity of perfect behavior in the children’s minds, and incites to fling in the field of collaboration with the family and the society. Psychoanalysts have proven that the children’s religious and moral values mature only in the family surroundings.

FAMILY DISORDER

The family members -chiefly the children- will suffer mental defects, nervous disorders, loss of sound behavior, and aberrance if the family is characterized by in harmony and disorder. Modern educational surveys show that family disorder and unsettlement is the biggest elements of aberrance. Crises that lead to deviation are the results of family clutter. Consequently, it is essentially incumbent, for protecting the juveniles from irregularity and deviation, to conserve the family settlement by removing all of the factors of distress and confusion.

FATHERS RESPONSIBILITIES

Not only are fathers responsible for saving their dependants alimonies and fiscal necessities, but also they are required to provide education, discipline, morals, and guidance. They must ensure the high traits and warn against evil.

Imam Zeinul-abidin (PBUH) says: Your sons right is that you should realize their being parts of you and attached to you in good and evil. You are responsible for providing the noble traits, conducting them to their Lord, and backing them in worshipping Him as a compliance with you. They entirely be rewarded or punished. You should act to your sons as seekers of the good remuneration in this world, and justified to the Lord through the acceptable supervision and training.

Imam Zeinul-abidin (PBUH) was used to supplicating to the Lord for his son by saying:

“O Lord! Make them filial pious, godly, aware, listeners, and obedient for Thee, and adherents and advisers for Thy saints, and mutinous and antipathetic of Thy foes”.(Risalah Al-Hoqouq)

Fathers are subject to bring forth the chaste education for the sons to guarantee their sincerity. The Imams of the Prophets progeny regarded this topic highly. Imam Ali (PBUH), the first Islamic educationist, says to his son, Imam al-Hassan: I consider you being a part of me, being me all in all. Anything that strikes you is actually striking me. Death when draws near to you is drawing to me. Your affairs are as same as mine.
Yes indeed, sons are not only parts of their fathers. They are truly their fathers all in all. They expose their fathers existence and entity. From this cause, fathers should care for their sons education, edification, and perfection in order that they will take pride in them magnificently. On the other hand, sons may be evil and mischievous to their fathers if their education and affairs are neglected. The following are some of the fathers tasks:

1. Custody of Sons:

Fathers should take care of their sons by granting them with affection and tenderness, and conferring honor upon them. These matters form the most influential effects in structuring their educational entity and advancing their personalities and mental maturity.
The Prophet (PBUH&HP) had Imam al-Hassan and Imam al-Hussein -his grandsons- (PBUTH) in the greatest custody. As he was having them on his shoulders, the Prophet (PBUH&HP) used to say, these two are my single basil in this world.

He whoever loves me should love them. On another occasion, he said to Fatima Az-Zahra (PBUH), Summon my two sons. As she presented them, the Prophet (PBUH&HP) smelt and embraced them. It is also related that Al-Aqra bin Habis, seeing the Prophets Fondness and custody of his two grandchildren, said, I do not remember I have ever kissed any of my ten sons. This saying made the Prophet irate. What can we do to a man that God has uprooted mercy from him!.

The Prophet (PBUH&HP) poured his ideal and guidance in the minds of his two grandsons. He also dwelled his merciful tendencies on them. Therefore, they became the excellent exemplars of perfection. Their liberal lifetime accumulated the total aspects of magnitude and divinity as well as whatsoever humankind boasts all over history. They achieved the elevation in ethics and essence, and delved into the fields of grandeur and right.

Fathers custody, affection, and charity to sons are the most consequential constituents of the educational entity that consummates the children’s personal affluence and spares the mental complexities that are the most serious diseases. Modern educational surveys have proved that good citizens and virtuous scientists are mostly the outcome of the careful families. Psychologists have asserted this fact, too. Conversely, the sons that are unwelcomed and disregarded by their families take aggressive paths and seem to be negative, quarreling, and rebellious, and invent skillful trickeries for disturbing the adults. Besides, they tend to criminal behavior.

- The aspects of the family negligence are as follows:
- Cruelty and excessive vulgarity in treating the children.
- The use of the fierce physical disciplining,
- The continuous criticizing, reproaching, and exposition of the children’s defects before others,
- Intemperance in neglecting and accusing the children,
- The negligence of praising the children,

- Disgracing the children before the other brothers and sisters,
- Showing astonishment when others praise the children,
Fathers should avoid the previous matters when they deal with their sons. This will save the children’s behaviors and guard them against irregularity and aberrance.

2. Equality:

Fathers should cover their sons with equal amounts of love, affection, and custody. Many psychological complexities, jealousy, fury, and the arising of mental passive revolts may occur to the children who notice any distinction in the fathers conservation. These effects may lead to serious psychological ailments.

The holy Quran exposes the story of Joseph the prophet (PBUH) when his father favored him to the other brothers. Consequently, they plotted for an artifice by which they threw him in a well and came to their fathers weeping. The father “Jacob the prophet (PBUH) - was so regretful that his eyes turned into white. A calamitous crisis that he had to suffer was owing to favoring a definite son to the others. The Prophet (PBUH&HP) is reported to say, Treat your sons equally as you like to be treated fairly in benevolence and kindness. As he noticed a father of two sons kiss one and neglect the other, the Prophet (PBUH&HP) reproached, You should have treated them equitably.

Equality among sons is one of the components of the Islamic education. Fathers should never distinguish between brothers. Fathers who address charity and benevolence at certain sons exclusively, or give the heritage exclusively to the sons and neglect the daughters, are definitely out of the circle of Islam.

Such procedures arouse hostility and hatred among the brothers and cause retardation in their educational entity, and mental disorder and slowdown in the social relations. It is proven that the sons that are deprived from paternal affection and benevolence are stroke by psychological complexities, social antagonism, and severe conduct. Fabrication, larceny, cruelty, evildoing, and assaulting deeds are the effects of the children that lack paternal affection.

Children’s paternal hatred stops against the social conditioning. It cancels the feelings of security and self-confidence. Modern psychological surveys have confirmed that the most critical causes of disquietude are the nullity of the family emotional warmth, feelings of others negligence, deprivation of love, kindness, and affection, and feelings of weakness in the aggressive world. Secondly, inequality among brothers arises the feelings of disquietude in the children’s minds, and kills the spirits of keenness that help in pushing the way easily and tranquilly. Disordered men feel of depression and mental torment everywhere.
Fathers should treat their sons equally, lest the sons will be affected by such serious ailments that smash the mental entities.

3. Cordiality:

Fathers must cover their family members, especially spouses, with cordiality, affection, and benevolence, and meet their needs entirely. God has instituted this as one of the wives rights. It also contributes in the children’s prudent education and personal contentment that live in aspects that are filled with love, affection, peace, and settlement. Islam has urged on caring for wives. The Prophet (PBUH&HP) said: The best of you are the best to their wife. I am the best to my wives. He also said: Wives are the husbands delight. Almighty God favors those who deal with their delight in the best way. Imam Muhammad Al-Baqir (PBUH) says: May God’s mercy be upon those who enjoy good relations with their wives. Allah the Exalted gave men the wives in possession and made them their custodians. Imam Jafar As-Sadiq (PBUH) says: Fear God while you deal with the two weak; women and slaves.

Fathers ought not to displease or wrong their wives. The Prophet (PBUH&HP) says: The best men of my nation are those who do not encroach or wrong their wives and those who treat them kindly. He then recited Gods saying:

Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others (4:34).

Fathers natures and manners to their family members leave the greatest influence on the children’s consonance in the society. The children’s personalities achieve prosperity only when their father’s treatments are well. Contrariwise, children’s behaviors and intellectual maturity are badly affected and ceased if fathers use rudeness.

4. Avoidance of Obscene Language:

Fathers, as paterfamiliases, are in charge of constituting the educational entity of their families. They should avoid obscene language, vulgarity, and any matter that injures the general manners. Chastity and homogeneity should find a considerable place in every house. It is obligatory upon fathers, whose words and deeds penetrate the hearts of their sons who are influenced by their manners and morals, to shield the family members from evil and obscene language. Children who notice their parent’s ill deeds can never have sound education and growth up. Similarly, children who notice their fathers say false things will never comply with their instructions of truth and sincerity. They pursue their father’s deeds and actions. On that account, fathers must apply the noble traits and manners to their lives to be good exemplars for their family members.

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